


Sometimes I Wish You Knew

by morningssofgold



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Psychological Trauma, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold
Summary: The time alone gave him clarity but it hadn’t given him anymore answers but here he was, sending Dani a Zoom invitation at almost midnight before he could think better of it.Brightwell and quarantine and a whole lot of feelings.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright / Dani Powell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	Sometimes I Wish You Knew

Days were stretching on endlessly shifting into the other with very little variation but Malcolm supposed that was everyone’s new normal in quarantine. 

He’d been keeping himself occupied with the latest research in psychology, psychoanalysis and criminology as well as theoretical readings. He’d reread all of the Freud on his shelves and he’d gone through Aquinas, Hume and Jung. He’d also decided to broaden his horizons ordering books by Baldwin and Du Bois to help him make sense of so many things he didn’t understand about the world around him.

As many books as he owned and bought, they were never enough.

Without murder to distract him–as consultants were by definition non-essential–Malcolm was doing any and everything to distract himself from what continued to weigh heavily on him. 

Almost every time he closed his eyes, he saw his sister’s blood splattered, shellshocked face and himself reassuring her that everything would be okay because he did this. He murdered Nicholas Endicott. 

He didn’t–not really–but he did dismember the body. The grinding of the saw, the deranged big Pharma scion’s still warm blood splattering his face. It wasn’t that he’d been forced to commit crimes–felonies–to protect his sister. 

It was that he _enjoyed_ it. 

Malcolm didn’t know what that meant. He just knew that in the moment he found pleasure in the idea that the man who’d terrorized his family and almost sent him to prison for the rest of his life–the man who’d reduced him to a puppet on a string–was now at _his_ mercy and his alone. The most powerful man in the city–a man who felt entitled to everything–reduced to nothing but body parts at _his_ hands.

He wished he could say it was his first brush with his father’s darkness but it wasn’t. He’d been 16 at the time. He’d let rage and pain consume him after being locked in a closet for three days with no one but his terror for company after being outed as The Surgeon’s son. He’d felt a particular sort of satisfaction breaking his tormentor’s nose but he’d felt his best watching the boy struggle for breath after he’d emptied his inhaler. For a moment, Malcolm thought of letting the boy die and watching it happen...

For the longest, Malcolm swore he was nothing like his father but it simply wasn’t the truth.

That burden with only the distraction of the news on his massive tv–reports of rising cases and rising deaths, and the ambulance sirens blaring every few minutes from his window–it only grew heavier each day.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he just found his current reality incredibly _lonely_. 

Malcolm was used to loneliness–he didn’t know life without it–but this was different. He knew he shouldn’t complain especially as his sister was at the Manor quarantining with their mother who’d developed a habit of loudly singing show tunes in the early morning.

That said, he missed being able to go outside without fear of his likely compromised immune system being breached by the novel Coronavirus. He missed work. He missed his cohort. He missed his partner. 

_Dani._

Malcolm hadn’t seen her since before the city went on lockdown after being ravaged by the virus and he often found himself thinking about her. Not just that he was concerned for her health in global pandemic because he was but his feelings–feelings that confused and overwhelmed him–for her were and continued to be an open ended question. 

For the last week he’d thought about texting her but backed out because it was impersonal and he thought about ringing her up but backed out again because…he just didn’t know if she’d want to talk to him.

They’d patched things up after that night in the hospital waiting room but Malcolm didn’t know if he was allowed to be Dani’s friend again. He’d had a lot of time to reflect and he realized he hadn’t been a very good friend to her. He _wanted_ to be her friend but he hadn’t been an equal participant in their friendship.

Every time he wanted to call, he wondered if she’d grown tired of him even she wasn’t angry anymore.

He wanted to talk to her so badly because the static in his head was reaching a fever pitch and somehow Dani always made it better though he couldn’t help but think of how crushed he’d be if she were…over him.

He’d had a chance. When he’d stabbed his father, he’d realized it then that it was Dani–that he needed to take that risk if he ever wanted to be happy. If he ever wanted a chance at all the things that had eluded him. He took that chance and essentially pissed it away. 

Now, maybe his window had closed.

He took a deep breath. _Life is about risk…_

The time alone gave him clarity but it hadn’t given him anymore answers but here he was, sending Dani a Zoom invitation at almost midnight before he could think better of it.

––––––––––––––––––––––

Malcolm perked up in surprise when the window popped up on his MacBook a few minutes later before Dani’s face appeared on his screen, enhanced by warm lighting in what looked like her bedroom.

“Hi stranger,” Malcolm said softly, his heart doing strange things in his chest at the sight of her after so long. Her curls were piled on top of her head, her face completely bereft of makeup and a warm smile stretching her full lips–he’d never seen anyone look this beautiful _ever._ “How are you holding up?”

He disguised the truth and he had been for awhile but it felt good to feel like she was near even if she wasn’t. Seeing her face to face…it made him think about how things used to be for them before he did all he could to ruin it. 

Those days when he wanted to get close to her because she intrigued him–because he wanted to peel back the layers that made her who she was. He didn’t know what to do when intrigue became something else.

Malcolm wondered if her mind played that game too. If every word they’d ever spoken to each other was on constant loop. If she thought about them–what they used to be and what they could be.

Dani sighed, drawing him out of his thoughts, “Well, I invested in a Peloton because the Doordash guy knows me by name now, I can’t remember the last time I wore pants with buttons–or a bra…” she trailed off, her cheeks heating in the midst of her stream of consciousness before she cleared her throat, “Sorry, that was an overshare. Blame my lack of socialization these days.”

Malcolm smiled, hoping the darkened lighting in his apartment hid his own blush as he tried to push that admission _far_ from his mind and not focus on her bare shoulders in what looked to be a black tank. “No…it’s okay…I can’t remember when I last wore pants with buttons either.”

It was true as he’d never spent so much time in sweats not even in undergrad.

“Missing your Tom Ford suits?” Dani smirked, a teasing glint in her dark eyes.

“More than you know,” Malcolm sighed as Dani laughed. He’d literally give anything to get dressed with somewhere to go.

“What about you? What’s been keeping Malcolm Bright amused these days?” Dani asked with that same smile he missed so much even when they’d been working and had gone weeks barely speaking. Weeks that were the hardest of his life and entirely his fault.

“Not a lot…I’ve been doing a lot of reading and some writing…” Malcolm sat back against the headboard, balancing his MacBook on his lap.

“Writing the next great American novel?” Dani asked quizzically, quirking a brow.

Malcolm breathed an airy chuckle, “Hardly…I’ve been journaling. I’ve been told by many a therapist that it helps.”

“Does it?” 

“I’m not sure,” Malcolm admitted as the heaviest things running roughshod over his oft fragile psyche could be used as a confession in a murder case implicating both him and his sister so putting pen to paper only did so much. He mostly wrote about his memories–bits and pieces from childhood and he wrote about Dani. Things he only wished he could tell her. “I’ve been trying to fill the void with online shopping.”

Dani huffed a laugh, “Do I even wanna know what you’ve been buying?”

Malcolm grinned, “Art mostly and I’ve added to my murder weapon collection. I’ve gotten a scythe, a fifteenth century broadsword and two vintage shotguns…all from antique auctions.” 

“As one does,” Dani replied with amusement and he tried to ignore the warmth that bloomed in his chest. She was the only one who didn’t find that particular hobby of his weird. She never had, not even from the first time she brought him home. He should’ve scared her but he never had. “But really, how are you doing?”

“I am about as well as to be expected in the midst of a once in a generation plague currently ravaging the globe.” Malcolm ran a hand through his hair, now quite a bit longer than it had been in awhile. “But I’m better _now…_ ”

Dani’s smile turned shy, glancing down a bit before looking back up at him, “Me too. I thought I was built for quarantine, you know, because I keep to myself but it’s just…”

“Lonely? Isolating?” Malcolm guessed as he watched her chew on her lip a bit, her pretty face going pensive. “Stressful?”

“All of the above,” Dani answered quietly. Seeing that bit of sadness seep into her dark eyed gaze made wish he’d always asked her point of view and it made him wish he could do something to make it better. He wished he were in the same room with her–he missed it.

It was an outlandish thought but even kind of wished they were quarantined together. She was alone and so was he. He could’ve been learning her habits. He could’ve been in her company all of the time instead of what he’d gotten used to which was some of the time.

 _It would’ve been nice,_ Malcolm thought to himself, a pang of something he didn’t want to think about reverberating though him. 

Before he could say respond to her, realizing he’d gotten lost in his own head again, the screen was suddenly obscured. 

He frowned as Dani was blocked from view. “Um...Dani?” He questioned, unaware of what just happened before two Emerald colored eyes stared at him, blinking slowly.

Dani reached over and pulled a fluffy and rather rotund, grumpy looking flat-faced cat with ginger fur into her lap, “Sorry about that,” he heard amusement and fondness in her voice, “I think Fable wanted to say hello.”

Malcolm had his doubts about that as the cat was currently looking at him with an expression that could only be described as unimpressed. That said, he found the idea of Dani owning a cat rather cute. From all he knew about her, she seemed like a cat person.

“I didn’t know you have a cat. I mean, it fits the profile but still,” Malcolm perked a brow as he watched his partner cradle her oversized furry companion like a child, Fable’s engine-like purring filling the line as she scratched underneath his chin.

Dani narrowed her eyes at him as Fable continued to purr from her lap, “You know I hate when you do that.” 

Malcolm laughed a bit, holding his hands up in surrender. “Fair enough but when did you get him?” 

He was genuinely curious as he’d never had any real pets growing up other than his snakes and now Sunshine. Though Sunshine served as a reminder that there was life outside his four walls especially when for him death was all-encompassing, Malcolm couldn’t say she was the liveliest company.

“Six months ago…he kinda found me. For a week, I found him sitting on my fire escape and I left him food. I thought he might’ve been for someone in my building but it was starting to get really cold out, so one day I just let him in and he never left.” 

“Well, he’s a good looking house cat,” Malcolm smiled, riffing on what she’d told him about the portrait of his great uncle Douglas hanging in the foyer of his family home. He somehow found all of that the most _Dani_ thing ever, taking in a poor stray who needed help, who needed someone to care for and look after them.

In a way, he felt like she’d done the same for him. He’d always thought she’d done it out of obligation but the more he got to know her, Malcolm realized that was who she was. Dani cared. She didn’t know any other way.

“Thanks,” Dani said, her earlier melancholy fading and replaced by something softer he’d seen before but never enough of. “I guess, if you can call any of this positive…I get to spend more time with my favorite little guy.”

She scratched between Fable’s ears for emphasis, obviously doting on the cat who Malcolm could swear looked a bit _smug_ at being called her “favorite.” 

–––––––––––––––––––

“No Bright, a pint of pralines and cream is not a meal,” Dani shook her head as she settled in bed under the covers, propping her overstuffed pillows to support her back and she leaned back against the headboard while balancing her MacBook Air on her knees.

It should’ve been weird that for the second time in a week Bright would be the last person she saw before she went to sleep but it wasn’t. She found she liked hearing his voice just as she got ready to drift off. She didn’t want to go into why that was nor was she ready to.

“Really? Because it was easily the best meal I’ve had in a month,” Malcolm said with a wry smile as ran a hand through his now longer hair, tucking the chin length strands behind his ear. 

She knew his hair was only longer because he couldn’t get to his fancy hair salon safely, but it looked cute on him and she ignored how her heart skipped seeing him do something as simple run his hand through his hair.

She also ignored how she noticed that it wasn’t neatly gelled back the way she’d gotten used to seeing and Dani wondered if it was as soft as it looked, especially as she looked at the way the lamp light in his always darkened apartment brought out the gold and auburn tones in his hair.

“It’s probably the only meal you’ve had in a month,” Dani replied as Malcolm’s grin grew and Fable crawled into her lap. “Have you actually eaten real food since lockdown?”

Malcolm shifted a bit, a thoughtful expression overtaking his too handsome face. His faded Georgetown shirt, pulling across his chest and shoulders. Dani tried to ignore how she noticed _that_ as well, “I have...I dug my electric can opener out of the box and had tomato soup. It actually goes well with grilled cheese–though the grilled part I had issues with...”

Dani smiled at the idea of something as simple as grilled cheese vexing her partner who she was sure was an actual genius, “You’re supposed to butter the outside of the bread first.”

Malcolm frowned, his brows drawing together cutely, “No one told me that.”

“How exactly did you make it through college?” Dani asked as Fable let out a loud whine, wanting attention as he pawed at her cheek. She scratched underneath her needy cat’s chin before turning her attention back to Malcolm who regarded her pet’s shenanigans with obvious amusement. 

“I didn’t eat much then though Gil and Jackie made sure I didn’t die of starvation...” Malcolm replied as his expression went soft at the mention of Gil’s beloved wife. 

“That sounds about right,” Dani conceded with a smile, looking down while Fable made himself more comfortable next to her legs, lying on his back–the very essence of leisure. “Though I thought you went to Harvard...”

Malcolm looked down at the shirt he was wearing as if he’d forgotten what it said on the front, “I did for undergrad...I did the dual M.A./PhD psychology program at Georgetown.”

“Wait... _you’re_ a doctor?” Dani asked incredulously, unconsciously leaning in despite the two of them being on opposite sides of the city. 

Malcolm quirked a brow, “Technically, yes but keep it to yourself because if anyone calls me Dr. Whitly, my soul–what little there’s left of it–would actually leave my body.”

“Huh...” Dani said, thoughtfully as she leaned back against the headboard.

“What? Is it weird for you?” Malcolm tilted his head, looking as though he were trying to read her thoughts through the computer screen.

“No...not really. I mean, I guess I forget that you really are an expert in all this.” Dani said as she thought about all the times she watched Malcolm pull twisting methodology out of thin air or diagnosed a complex mental disorder as easily as breathing. His big brain in action was mystical but maybe not so much.

“Well...yes...though I know you think I follow wild hunches most of the time,” Malcolm grinned. “And as much as I would like to say higher education made me into _this_ , most of my knowledge is unfortunately epistemological.”

Dani nodded, knowing he meant his ways of knowing came almost entirely from The Surgeon, “Ahh…knowledge through…what? Social reality, I think it is.”

Malcolm hummed as the corners of lips perked up, his pale eyes growing alight, “That’s exactly right...I’m impressed.”

Dani shook off the butterflies fluttering through her stomach at hearing that and seeing something that looked like _interest_...if she wasn’t completely out of her mind. At one time, she thought he might’ve been but she’d gotten her signals crossed and assuming anything about Malcolm Bright had always proven to be a mistake, “You’re not the only one who knows things, Bright.”

“Obviously not...” Malcolm murmured, that strange look still in his eyes. 

“So…” Dani cleared her throat trying not to let herself go _there_ again. “Pandemic loneliness aside, this must be at least a little good for you…no visits to The Surgeon.”

Malcolm leaned forward on his elbows, trying to figure out how to articulate all that was running through his mind at the moment. There had been no murders for him to solve and reason to consult his father for _anything_. Martin had tried calling him from Rikers but he didn’t want to talk. 

He didn’t want to hear the voice of a man whose face he saw every time he closed his eyes along with the buzz of a saw. A man he always swore he wasn’t but as hard as it was to admit, he was The Surgeon’s son and he always would be.

“No…he’s still in Rikers and if there’s any justice in this world, COVID would do what nothing else has,” Malcolm answered without thinking, cringing hearing how his words sounded to someone who wasn’t in his head. “Sorry, that was dark.”

“Yeah…it was,” Dani replied with her typical steadiness–that feeling of knowing that he could tell her anything beginning to overwhelm him but there were two secrets he kept close to him that he just couldn’t part with. “...is that a skull?”

Malcolm looked to Dani’s eyes focused in on something over his shoulder. He was in his office, a place that was as much _him_ as anywhere in the apartment. It was where he kept his his father’s journals, his father’s sketches tacked onto various boards, it was where he came to think.

“Uh…yeah,” he looked to his left seeing it on the shelf. _To be or not to be_ was always the question when it came to him.

“Is it human?” Dani asked as a sheepish and unfortunately cute scrunched smile formed over his face. She was getting _really_ tired of finding him cute. 

Malcolm was handsome–pretty even–in a way a man had no right to be, but it was his ticks and quirks and all the other things that made him _him_ she found cute and that was bad for her. 

“Of course, it is,” Dani replied dryly as Malcolm laughed, his dimples showing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t kill poor Yorick here,” Malcolm grinned as Dani wrinkled her nose as he shifted his iMac for her to see the skull and the other bones he had.

“You’re way too attached to the whole Hamlet thing.” Dani rolled her eyes, though her little smirk gave her away. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was charmed by him–well about as much as Dani could be charmed by anyone. She was as even-keeled as anyone he’d ever known but there were moments he thought that maybe she _liked him_ liked him.

He thought of how he’d feel if she did. If he got to spend time with her when he wanted. What it felt like to touch her? How her lips tasted? As tantalizing as all of that was, he also thought of how he’d feel if she didn’t. If she just wanted to be partners. If taking care of him wasn’t a full time job she wanted. And now…if she knew what he’d done–the true depths of who he was?

 _Damaged…broken…irredeemable…unlovable._

What made it all worse was that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to try as he hadn’t when he first realized his feelings for Dani were changing into something he didn’t recognize…it was that he did and that was the most dangerous thing of all.

–––––––––––––––

Fresh from the shower and in the middle of t-shirt drying her hair, she heard knocking at the door. Fable jumped from his place on her arm of the couch, giving a warning meow to the person on the other side of the door that sounded an awful lot like a growl.

Dani shooed her cantankerous cat aside, opening the door and seeing a box on the floor. She picked it up, her brows raising in surprise to see it was from Malcolm. 

She couldn’t understand why he’d send her anything but she couldn’t stop the smile that spread over her face at the idea that he did. 

Malcolm’s attention was hard to come by. He didn’t give it willingly but maybe things were changing. After all, they’d been talking several times a week and sometimes for hours. 

She’d even put him onto _Animal Crossing_. It was something she never would’ve done outside of lockdown and she thought it was a cute way to pass time. _Dani, this is for children,_ she could hear Malcolm’s brows furrowing through her AirPods when they first played it together. _Then you should love it,_ she replied easily as he gave her his dry raised brow, half-smirk look in response.

They’d spent entire days like that with her walking him through the game. She had a sneaking suspicion Malcolm was humoring her but he seemed to enjoy it nevertheless. 

Dani opened the box only to find a large container of...brownies. Lifting the top, she inhaled deeply as they smelled divine. They didn’t appear to be from whatever fancy bakery he likely frequented.

_Wait...did Bright bake these...himself?_

The idea of her partner baking anything himself didn’t scan, considering she knew him to be somewhat of a disaster in the kitchen as he’d been defeated by grilled cheese. 

Dani sighed happily, overwhelmed by the taste of dark chocolate and espresso and how these brownies were the exact way she liked them–soft and fluffy in the middle and firm in the outside with dark chocolate chips. The two things she loved most together, coffee and chocolate.

She didn’t know what it meant that Malcolm had been able to guess that about her–or that he’d actually spent this sort of time, effort and energy on her.

“No...these are mine,” Dani moved the box away from Fable nosily craning his neck to peer into the box as he’d jumped on her island chair. 

She shook her head at Fable’s protests watching him settle back down into the chair, where he’d fall asleep within the next two minutes. She dialed Malcolm up on FaceTime to thank him for such a generous surprise.

He picked up instantly from his creepy yet so very _Bright_ office. Tracy Chapman’s _Fast Car_ playing softly in the background, “Hey.”

“Hey...thank you for the brownies. That was incredibly sweet–no pun intended–of you,” Dani said as Malcolm smiled, the look in his pale eyes as soft and as sweet as the treats he’d baked for her. “They’re...amazing.”

“You sound surprised.” Malcolm quirked a brow but infinitely pleased that she liked them. Baking was a covered-up-a-murder-but bored-in-quarantine stress habit he’d developed and he found himself wanting to share that with Dani.

He wanted to do something nice for her. It hurt knowing that as much as he professed to be good–he wasn’t. He wasn’t even nice or at least, he hadn’t been to Dani who oftentimes went out of her way for him.

Malcolm knew he was all messed up but he still wanted to be someone she’d like–someone she’d more than like if he were being his most honest.

“I kinda am...” Dani tilted her head cutely as she chewed slowly. Wet curls dripped a bit onto her collarbone and he realized she must’ve just gotten out of the shower–a visual he tried very hard not to give into. “But maybe I shouldn’t be considering you’re strangely perfect at everything.”

“Perfect-ish,” Malcolm smirked.

“And very humble,” Dani smirked back. “And as much as I loved the surprise...it’s not my birthday or anything...”

Malcolm tried not to flinch at the confusion written across his partner’s pretty face. She wasn’t used to him doing things for her–even small things.

“No reason for it really...” he looked up at her through his lashes shyly, “You didn’t have to start talking to me again...you know...after everything and I appreciate it. I like talking to you.”

Dani felt something. It wasn’t those alien butterflies she’d been feeling ever since they started talking again. It was something that wrapped around her heart in a way she’d hadn’t felt before, seeing Malcolm’s honesty reflecting through his big clear eyes as if he were standing right in front of her. 

She didn’t like to think too much about that weird, complicated time. It _hurt_ and she swore to never give anyone enough power over her to hurt her so she’d zipped up those feelings and tucked them into a place far away. But now…things were different and Malcolm looked genuinely sorry about how things had soured between them.

More than that, she saw something _sad_ in his eyes as he looked at her all the way from his place in Soho. 

Dani had seen his sadness before. He tried to hide it but it was always there. Now, it was more pronounced and he didn’t appear as though he looked to hide it. He might not have even realized it was there, but he seemed to be legitimately thankful for the time they spent like this.

It seemed he wanted her to be a part of his life and that made her want him to be a part of hers in return.

“I like talking to you too.” Dani’s dark eyes illuminated with warmth. Malcolm loved her eyes. At almost black they were the darkest eyes he’d ever seen but they held a sort of darkness that reminded him of safety. The sort of darkness he found beautiful. The sort of darkness so entirely different from his own–the sort he just wasn’t used to. “It’s been really nice.”

“It has,” Malcolm replied quietly.

––––––––––––––––––

Malcolm walked aimlessly around his apartment. He was getting less sleep than usual. With nothing to do but sleep, it was the one thing most elusive to him. 

Maybe that was a blessing in disguise as when his body did decide to shut down on him, his nightmares were there. He might’ve slept but his demons most certainly did not.

He’d been up for going on 32 hours. He’d been up since Dani spoke to him last, thanking him for baking her brownies. He remembered the organic dark chocolate covered espresso beans in her desk drawer. 

He’d wrinkled his nose when she’d confided in him that it was the one vice she allowed herself. Knowing her the way he did, he could understand how indulgences were the very last thing she’d want. 

If things were different, he imagined a life where he helped her loosen up a bit. He admittedly didn’t have much to give but he’d love to show her that indulgence wasn’t inherently negative and there were many things out there worth enjoying. 

Things weren’t different and Malcolm could only bake Dani something he thought she’d like.

He walked to the door hearing knocking. He hadn’t ordered anything because he’d already bought everything and if there were ever a time when he wore something other than sweats, he’d definitely be prepared. 

He lifted the rather large box left at his doorstep finding it quite heavy before realizing it was from Dani. Though he told her repeatedly she didn’t need to, she’d sent him wild rice and mushroom soup that she’d made herself as a thanks for the brownies.

It was incredible and far beyond anything he’d been attempting to feed himself with. Dani cooking didn’t quite fit the profile, he’d imagine her to be too busy but he supposed himself baking didn’t fit the profile either.

The soup she’d made him had actually been the first meal he’d enjoyed in God only knew how long, considering he ate to stay alive and most things tasted like ash in his mouth.

Malcolm opened the box, finding the massive container of vegan, gluten free and dairy free zucchini pasta with cashew sauce, along with heating instructions per the handwritten letter she’d sent along with it. He smiled as he looked at Dani’s neat, looping script. 

He’d always found letters to be incredibly personal and no one had ever written him one before, especially not someone he was interested in. He could hear her voice in his head and see her smirking as he read her congratulations on his “dirty thirty.”

He didn’t know that was a thing and it made him laugh though he didn’t remember ever telling Dani when his birthday was. When he was a child, his mother tried her best to make a celebration of it but all any of them could think of was the empty chair in the dining room. When he was a little older and away at boarding school, he spent his birthdays studying and when he became an adult, he spent them working.

He never had many friends and he wasn’t the type to throw himself a birthday party. Renting out a nightclub surrounded by strangers sounded like a nightmare and the last time he found himself in that sort of setting didn’t go so well–though if he were being honest–it hadn’t been all bad…

He wondered what would’ve happened if he’d made a little effort. If he would’ve showed the beautiful, interesting woman who punched him in the jaw and knocked him out cold that he was _interested_ would things be better. Would the heavy, cloying sadness that seemed to suffocate him a little more each day still exist?

He also thought of what sort of birthday would it be if she were here with him…

Malcolm shook his head as he shouldn’t be thinking of such things–he didn’t deserve to and he should be thanking Dani instead of indulging in wild fantasies about her.

––––––––––––––––––

“Happy Birthday…” Dani said as soon as she appeared in the frame, along with her beloved Fable. Her face was makeup-less as it usually was when they talked. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were bright, her curls were obscured by a tie dyed turban of some sort and he wondered how was it possible for someone to be so pretty. “Enjoying your Dirty Thirty?”

“Exactly no dirty things are happening…I might as well be a monk,” Malcolm said without thinking once again before cringing internally.

Dani laughed and he could’ve _sworn_ she was blushing, “Bright…”

“That was an overshare…ignore me,” Malcolm laughed a bit himself, running a hand through hair that was in desperate need of a trim. “But thank you…and I don’t actually remember telling you when my birthday is.”

“You didn’t…only in passing about how much you hate birthdays.” Dani gave him a knowing smile.

Malcolm nodded slowly, wondering if that particular rant had been sandwiched in between his infamous lemon jello rant. “Well, birthdays aren’t my favorite but…thank you again…no one’s ever cooked for me before...also are you vegan?”

He felt like that was something he should know about her. Dani was still largely a mystery to him–his favorite puzzle that was yet to be solved. If he ever worked up the nerve to do something he’d rehearsed more than a few times in his mind and ask her to dinner–when the restaurants opened up again–he didn’t want to accidentally offend her or make her sick.

“No…but it makes me feel good to eat healthy especially after all the takeout I’ve been crushing since lockdown started. Besides…the vegan food is for you. I know most food makes you sick and I thought this would be easier and that maybe you’d…enjoy it…” Dani glanced down a little shyly and Malcolm found himself nearly melting into the floor.

He’d never felt so _considered_ before. 

To say he’d been unlucky in the romance department would be the world’s greatest understatement and his most recent and most unlucky mistake was the reason he was alone now. 

Malcolm tried not to dwell on it and the circumstances were unfortunate but he couldn’t say he missed his ex and he was at the pretending it never happened stage.

“I will…it’s honestly the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received,” Malcolm said softly, trying to keep the emotion from thickening his voice.

His mother and sister were usually a few days early or a few days late when it came to his birthday and he would expect a watch–a Rolex probably–that he wouldn’t wear or a designer work bag. The Hermès one from last year was still in the box in his closet as it was a little much even for him. 

This was something that took time and effort and it made him feel _something_ that Dani spent that on him–as hideous as he’d been to her in the past. It made all those feelings he’d long been trying to suppress, rush back to the surface. 

Dani opened her mouth to respond but she didn’t quite know _how_. She didn’t think he’d think that much of it. She didn’t expect to see him look so touched over it. 

She knew that a little kindness went a long way especially in times that were so much bleaker than normal, but it seemed like Bright had been missing a little kindness for a long time and that did something to her. 

She didn’t want it to–not again–but it did. 

––––––––––––––––

Malcolm rushed into the conference room after exiting the the makeshift testing site at the entrance of the precinct. He’d been vaccinated and his phone buzzed, alerting him of a negative PCR test. Everything was finally safe to go back to work without masks and JT, who was taking over for Gil while he was in physical therapy, alerted him of a new murder. 

For the first time, things at least felt normal.

Malcolm stopped short when he saw Dani in her leather jacket, thin olive green sweater, black jeans and combat boots. She looked the way he remembered her the last time they were in the same place. She turned and her eyes widened when she saw him. 

“I–I got vaccinated and tested. I’m negative, I really missed you,” he rushed out, without thinking. “Can I give you a hug?”

Dani smiled, glancing up at him through her lashes, “Yeah…me too and I’d love a hug.”

Malcolm closed the distance, wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders as her arms wrapped around his waist. He closed his eyes, trying not to sigh at how good it felt to hold her or how her curls smelled like lemon hard candy and mint.

For months, he felt like he was falling apart only now did it feel like he could be whole again. 

Malcolm reluctantly pulled away, reaching into the breast pocket of his overcoat, presenting her with a strawberry lollipop. A peace offering and a silent request to start over. 

Dani grinned, taking it from him as their fingertips brushed together.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the brainchild of @Florexandra and I wondering just how Malcolm and Dani grew closer between the end of 1x20 and the beginning of 2x01 and we thought, what if they kept in touch during lockdown and this fic idea was born. It's different than what I usually write but I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> The title and this fic is inspired by Giveon's "Like I Want You"


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